Everyone told me getting into college was the hard part.
That once I made it here, I’d feel proud. Motivated. Settled.
But some days, I feel more unsure than I ever did in high school.
I sit in lecture halls surrounded by people, yet no one really knows me. Professors talk about the future like we all have a plan already. Majors, internships, networking. I nod along, taking notes, pretending I’m not quietly panicking.
I changed my major once. I’m thinking about changing it again. Every time I consider it, I hear voices in my head telling me I’m falling behind. Wasting time. Making the wrong choice. College is supposed to be about “finding yourself,” but it feels like there’s a deadline on figuring it out.
Outside of class, everyone looks busy. Productive. Like they’re doing college the right way. I scroll through social media and see internships, study abroad photos, confident captions about growth and success. I compare myself even when I tell myself not to.
Some nights, I sit in my dorm or commute home on the train and wonder if I’m doing enough. If I belong here. If feeling this tired means I’m weak or just human.
I don’t talk about this much. I don’t want to sound ungrateful. I know how lucky I am to be here. But gratitude doesn’t erase confusion, and opportunity doesn’t automatically come with clarity.
I’m learning that college isn’t a finish line. It’s another place where you’re expected to perform confidence while still figuring things out. I’m still trying. Still showing up. Still learning how to be okay with not having everything answered yet.
Maybe this is what growth actually looks like. Not certainty—but staying, even when you feel lost.
